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There have been some things that have been haunting me, for a lack of better words. Things that I regret deeply now that time has passed. And I don’t want to keep going, trying to keep it out of sight and out of mind.

I fully accept that people will be angry, ARE angry with me. This is not meant to change anyone’s minds or to pull anybody to my side. Everything that happened, I deserve the consequences of my actions and the choices I made.

I know that posting this will further hurt my reputation, but it needs to be done.

I will explain the things that happened, and what I was thinking when I did them. I don’t want to name anyone because I don’t want to drag anyone into this, and especially not reopen old wounds.

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I’ll start with the TLOS Fandom (The Legend Of Spyro).

I joined the fandom in 2014, it was my first introduction into spyro and after binging many comics I wanted to make my own story. Later on, I became a fan of this comic called “Pure Light”. I created characters for it, and started getting myself invested in it.

From that… I started meeting more people in the fandom. From there I made friends with someone, and then I further got introduced to other artists in the TLOS and dragon community.

For a while, it was great. I had somebody to babble to about ideas, things I wanted to do, etc. And I will be honest, talking to them brightened my whole day.

I didn’t realize after that though it started going downhill. I got introduced to some drama about the Pure Light fandom, And… I will admit I was very young at the time, and something about drama felt… exhilarating. I would talk to them further about it, and I took it as truth. I became so attached to this person that I was willing to support them.

I started getting very petty over things, such as a character of mine being forgotten, and a special power being given to someone else, and then that power being locked to the community. In hindsight, it was a very stupid thing to get upset about. But that and the drama started fueling more petty things.

The person I was talking to withdrew from Pure Light, and essentially left their characters behind for another person to claim. But then the characters weren’t being written in the way that was originally intended, and they felt that they no longer owned them and could not take them back.

So, when I decided to withdraw from Pure Light I made it clear that I didn’t want my characters to remain in the group, and left a few loose ends because of that. Specifically a child character that was made by another person I knew, was now an orphan basically.

I began cutting people off, burning lots of bridges all for the sake of this drama that I felt was justified.

And after that… our friend group had gotten deeper and deeper into the drama, and eventually, we were going headfirst into a huge discourse with the Pure Light fan group.

I will admit unfortunately that I don’t remember as much as I should about what happened after I pulled out of the group. I should, and its honestly pathetic that ive forgotten, ive forgotten the horrible things ive said and done behind the scenes, and I am sorry that I did. I will try to fill in the general details as best as I can.

The discourse ended up becoming fan comic vs fan comic. I remember our side accusing Pure Light of ripping off Attack on Titan with the giant wall around the city. It was such a stupid argument, and im ashamed I went with it. There were other things I remember, but like I said earlier, I do not wish to point anyone out specifically, so I think its best to just leave it be…

After arguments had broken out, journals had been made, etc etc… eventually it started to die down a bit. But it never fully died off in our friend group. The flames kept going, and even if it shrunk down or turned more into embers, it could quickly be reignited.

We went on like that for a while, and then… I remember one day people just stopped talking.

I remember asking in our skype group what had happened, why had everyone stopped talking.

And then… im not exactly sure if it happened before, or after, but the person that I invested so much into, burnt so many bridges for, left deviantart and skype and I lost all contact with them.

For a very, very long time, infact up until more recently, I felt like it was my fault. Not because of the drama, but because I felt like I wasn’t there when they needed me. I felt heart broken, when I say that they were a key part in keeping me going, I am not exaggerating.

Soon after, I became obsessed. Trying desperately to latch onto the fleeting happy memories I felt like we had together. I cried a lot, I started doing worse in school, I started hoarding anything I could grab my hands on, art, conversations, stories, you name it.

They did eventually come back on a new account, and as soon as I found out I sent a note, saying that I was sorry and I miss them so much… But because I felt so guilty, I told them that if they choose to ignore the note, I would stay away.

And no response ever came back. So I reluctantly kept my distance

Very quickly, I had lost every friend I had in the TLOS and dragon communities. And for a long time I wondered why. I even tried to reach back out to one of them later on, after some drama with one of the others in the friend group came out.

But for some reason, it didn’t feel right. So I decided, in the end, to stay away.

I started burying myself back into the Digimon fandom, which, I will get to after this. But I always had a heavy heart concerning the one friend that I put all my chips on the table for.

It tormented me for a long time, because I so dearly wanted to talk with them again, to go back and laugh with them one more time.

It was only recently that I think I figured out why things turned out the way they did. And at the core of it was, drama.

I found out that our whole group devolved into its own drama, everyone developed some sort of drama involving the other people in the group. One that I particularly remember is that one accused the other of being transphobic. And to this day I don’t know who to believe.

I think that I had just accepted drama as so normal, that I didn’t notice the problems starting to form when the skype group dissipated.

But now that I know this… I don’t feel that urge to go to my old friends anymore, not even the one I was so attached to. Because I know I was part of the problem, I helped fuel it, I kept it alive.

Now… I look back to Pure Light, and I miss it. But I know that there’s no going back. My chance to has been long gone.

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While I was in the Digimon fandom before the TLOS one, this spans much further.

I think I joined the Digimon fandom in around 2012-2013. And started off into a OCT called Bits and Bytes. Like joining the Pure Light fandom I quickly began meeting people in the groups deviantart chatroom.

Eventually the people I hung out with started this group called Team Tamers. And I was very excited, I felt like I was apart of something.

But… over the years I started slowly but surely growing bitter.

I was always a strange kid, very “LOL I ART RANDOMZ” at that age. I don’t want to pull out a sob story to make you guys feel bad for me, but my school and home life were not good, and this was an escape.

I will say now, in long term, I stuck with these people because a lot of times I felt like they were all I had, the only people that didn’t mind me being around at the time.

But that bitterness started growing, and it started because I felt more… excluded. Things like, I would ask to rp and everyone would say that they were busy with the OCT, and then the next day they would talk about this great rp they did with others in the friend group.

Later it was a group where I was a moderator, and one of the people running it was on such a short fuse I couldn’t even make small jokes about simple things, not anything harmful or sexual, just little things, like Gatomon being able to be a rookie level and champion. I had to take a break for a while after that because I just grew so angry.

And then, we get to the the major part of this, around 2017. This happened sometime around when my TLOS friend left deviantart. I was trying to keep a group called “The Digital Anomalia” afloat after the founder had vanished.

It wasn’t doing well, I was the one to step up to the plate and I have no idea what I was doing, and ultimately the group went under. Around that time I reconnected with old friends and became an admin in a group called “.com”

It was fine at first, but it didn’t last long and that bitterness came back quick. Despite being an admin I felt like I was never being heard. There was someone in the group that always caused some sort of ruckus, calling one of the moderators basically a god and.. Well, ‘worshiping’ them in a sense. I wanted to put a stop to it because it was making people uncomfortable, and I wasn’t allowed to. They continued to cause problems around the group but nothing was done about it.

I was told the reason they were allowed to stay was because they reminded someone about how they were when they were young.

I also started to have to stay up all night to stop fights. Fights broke out frequently, and always when I was trying to do something else. I stayed up all night for weeks to make sure nothing happened.

Another thing that happened was that the one moderator would say scary things to some of the members, I can’t remember the specifics of what they said unfortunately, but people once again grew very uncomfortable, and I said that something really needs to be done about it, but I was basically told “We can’t get rid of them, they make such good art!”

I think I did eventually manage to convince the head of the group to just drop them though, but the damage was really just done at that point.

One of the things that hurt the most was during a call one day. It wasn’t anything mean, or inherently hurtful, but im bringing it up because it added a lot of fuel to my bitterness.

I remember telling my characters story to one of my friends, the specifics about their world, why they act the way they do etc.. And… I remember the shock. Hearing my friend say that they had no idea that I had even built something like that.

At first I was very happy that I got to tell somebody about them, but I realized that after all the years we had known eachother, nobody knew about these things because I was kept more to the back of the group, not always included, just the “Erogue girl” as I was called.

Eventually I just hit the boiling point. I was so frustrated because I felt like I was under appreciated, just there so people can get a few laughs in, always treated like a kid, even if I sorta was.

Then… I fell back into drama. I was convinced by some people that I knew, that I should be angry, and that I should act on it.

And I did act on it.

I burned more bridges, I deleted group assets, such as images, our groups money counter, some journals, I also attacked some of my old friends, and said horrible things behind peoples backs.

I started to believe that it felt justified. I genuinely started to believe that I was in the right. Looking back makes me so disgusted that I did such a thing. I didn’t care who I hurt then, I was willing to tear up this whole project my old friends had made because of my bitterness and growing anger.

But… like how I started to miss Pure Light, I started missing what I had thrown away.

I was introduced to a new group of people in a OCT called Assembly Arena, who were constantly in on gossiping and drama. I felt at home at the time, because that’s what was on my mind. And like I said earlier, it felt exhilarating. I just wanted more and more of it. They were also in on the .com drama, and continued to encourage me to do things.

I learned a while after though that these people were not my friends. I had joined a group called Digimon Arcana that someone in chat was in, who later has grown to one of my closest friends. And it was fun, and more and more people from Assembly Arena started to join…

And quickly I was thrown away, after not wanting to bully one of my friends because of their mental conditions and how they played their character. I had at one point become a mod in the group to help out with art and events, and they let people accuse me of things, like elder abuse because my character got into an argument with an npc.

And I was also gaslit by them, into believing I willingly gave up my mod spot when I needed to take a break from the group. And because the evidence that they didn’t say that was locked behind a hidden room I could never prove them wrong.

I found out later, around the time that the group had closed, that they were all Kiwi farmers.

In contrast, everything in .com seemed like a sunny day in comparison to what these people did to me, and others.

I destroyed so much for them, because I thought they were my friends. I ruined everything I had built up from Bits and Bytes. I gave it all up.

But that doesn’t excuse the things that I did do. It never will. I willingly tried to destroy .com, I willingly hurt my old friends because I became so blind with anger.

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I have ruined my online life with drama, from TLOS to Digimon. And im so disgusted with myself. I hate knowing that I did these things, that growing up I was so willing to throw everything away at the small thought of being accepted. That I took everything for granted.

I am sincerely sorry to the people I hurt, to the people in the Pure Light, TLOS, and Dragon communities. And to the Bits and Bytes - .Com and Digimon communities.

I don’t think I will ever be able to put into words how sorry I am, because the things I did were awful. And I deserve every single consequence that comes my way.

I don’t know if any of you from those groups will read this, but I truly am sorry for the things that I have done, the rage I sent your ways.

I am going to try my best going forward to make sure things like this never happen again. To make myself a better person.

But please, I don’t want forgiveness. I don’t want any of you to forgive me. I don’t deserve it. Not after all this.

Looks like electricity won the poll, so i'll do that one first, i'm gonna try to do as many combinations as I can though before working on that. It can be surprisingly difficult to think of all these combinations, growth and one of my new corrupted elements is giving me a bit of trouble, but i'll try my best to think up ideas to make both of them unique

How they work is no longer set in stone, so they can have different effects as opposed to having say Earth + Fire only making lava, the dragons would be able to make stuff like glass and sparklers as well which I think is pretty neat.

Other than that... mostly just trying to work on other P.O.T aspects as well. I started on the framework for the prologue and I think i'm almost done with that, but i'll likely try to set up for the next few parts of the story as well before I actually get to writing

I'll probably also need a new cover too to put on the written pages when I submit it.

I'm also thinking about actually disconnecting it from TLOS and making it its own thing, but it comes with some setbacks and possible issues. There are some things in P.O.T that I have found hard to remove, such as crystals as the healing items. I still really like the idea and I admit im a bit attached.

Healing crystals is an actual concept in the real world (more for mental stuff but you get the gyst) For right now I have them as crystal flowers instead, im not sure if that will change, but im worried that these things that im only really minorly tweaking will make it seem like a spyro ripoff. But at the same time P.O.T has so much unique lore to it now that the amount I would have to change to make it fit in TLOS is way more than the other way around.

Anyways, other that that i'm trying to make new characters and designs to replace Malefor and Spyro in the story, since I obviously can't use them in the original story. I think I have an idea and name for Malefor, so i'll probably post it if I like it. Still need to work on Spyro though.

And I think thats it? Sorry that I just went on a rambling fest.

I haven't though about P.O.T in a while, and noticed going back through my old pages there were a few people who wanted me to continue. I know I technically rewrote part of the prologue once before I went into Digimon hell, but if theres any of you left on deviantart would you like me to try writing it again?

I have some new ideas that I can apply to it not, and some better structuring to what would happen as opposed to Anemone just sitting in the temple waiting for them to find out she laid the big bad egg.

It wouldn't be in comic form I don't think, i'm just not really that confident as an artist right now. (Not ruling out the possibility though) It would likely be written with maybe some splash art here and there

Also another thing of note, I have been thinking about shifting it from the TLOS universe to its own thing, with different twists on the elements, characters, etc.